Feeling like an idiot with panic attacks
My panic attacks had become almost a joke. But that's not how they began. In the beginning, of course, it was scary.
I remember the times I used to get my father to rush me to the emergency dept. thinking I was having a minor heart attack. Later on I took to calling an ambulance. My record at the hospital spoke for itself.
During one such visit, the doctor told me that perhaps I should be seeing a psychiatrist. Till that moment I had never suspected that what I'd been having were panic attacks.
The visit to the psychiatrist didn't go too well. The very first question he asked me was: "Are you willing to go on medication?" I was shocked at this question. I asked him if he didn't want to at least find out if I needed them. Anyway, I ended up getting into an argument with him, and left.
I decided I would take care of the problem on my own. The greatest relief, believe it or not, was knowing that it was panic attacks, and not some serious illness. I say this was a relief because at least it was something that could be worked on over a period of time.
And I have been working on it. Somehow, knowing they're panic attacks has meant they come less often. And now the panic doesn't get out of hand because I'm able to tell myself that it's a panic attack, and I can work at calming myself down.