Afraid of Death?


Staff member
I'm more afraid of living than dying because I've had a major suicidal depression and self-harming thoughts and feelings before. Life has been feeling like a drag, a burden to even wake up and breath. When life seems as hard, though, or difficult, like a bottomless pit of despair, misery and suffering, you'll want to end it in a flash instant. That's how I've been feeling about 8-9 years ago for about 6 months myself and I have even attempted suicide and self-harm many times before at 24-25 years old, hating on my human nature, hating on everything about myself and my own current life and humanity. I'm scared of changes and unpredictability, loving more stability, calm and peace more than anything else. Hence why except for a walk, meditation and yoga outside my private lane by my home, I haven't talked to anyone else irl except online.
There's a level of depression that's going to put one in this kind of mode. A very serious meditation and medical help is needed to correct this as quickly as possible otherwise it's going to end badly for most of the victim of depression.
Even without being depressed, I'm very much afraid to death. I have a lot dreams that I want to achieve in this life which part of them adds to my depression on how to achieve it. But, I wouldn't like to die younger.
Heartbreak has lead me to suicide quite often. The last stint of my wife in jail has driven me over the edge the most. She had quit communicating with me from jail. Well, the last time she was in jail she at least communicated. She talked quite often.

Anyway, I don't think I'm scared of death, if the situation is extreme depression. However, though, God has rescued me from death because I have given over my life to him.