How do you develop friendships if you feel you have nothing to offer?

I am at a loss here, what do I do? Since 2008 I suffer from depression and suffer from panic attacks. I am unable to leave my house for long periods of time and can only go 2 miles away from home before I start shaking, worrying and getting panic attacks. I have very few friends left, my girlfriend and I broke up for good about 2 weeks ago and and Im not able to go out like normal people to meet anyone so seriously, what do I do?
 
Hey Chillbill

I think you ask a very valuable question. The beauty of living on our generation is the amount you can connect with people w/o leaving the house.

Another thing you could try do is setting goals for yourself. Even small goals. Eg. inviting ppl around or meeting up for (even just half an hour) for a coffee.

Also it could be worth (if you aren't already) getting some professional help - i'm sure they would be able to help you through this difficult time.

Well all the best bro!!!

Hannah
 
Thanks Hannah, sooo are you coming to the States any time soon? ;) ... just kidding! :)

You brought up some good points, we do live in the internet and social networking websites so it should be easier for me to meet people now then if I was living let's say 50 years ago. I'm gonna have to work up the courage to get to the point where I feel comfortable to invite people over and ask my friends and family to bring their friends over.

I guess I'm just scared. Scared that I wont find someone to understand what im going thru and understand that there are many things that I won't be able to do.
 
chillbill do what you are good at ALOT :) everyones good at something...we're just too lazy sometimes to do it. If you focus on what your good at...and become better, and not worry about relationships, you'll eventually meet someone :)
 
I have one friend that I keep contact with on a weekly basis, i known him since we were teens and we mainly stay in touch cause we are both movie collectors. A few times he has come over to my place with the girls he dates and an extra friend to hang out with me but unfortunately most people (normal people) like to go out on dates and do things outside the house, something that unfortunately i cannot do. Hopefully soon my doctors will find the right medication to allow me to do things or maybe someday a hot babe with my same condition moves in into my neighborhood :D
 
Go online, chat, find people in your area, maybe a social club around, i know my moms go to a local church twice a week where she gathers with a few people to play bingo or play cards or other times they get together and have potluck parties. Maybe you can start something like this somewhere in your neighborhood. G'luck buddy.
 
Hey Bill, met anyone lately? has your friend or family introduced you to anyone special?
 
Yes guys i also think that you are saying it right as activities which are common in people can make those people closer for example elders in a nursing home or care home are also advised to organize such fun loving activities so that they can spend their time easily, can get involve in a community and can get the best out of it. Similarly if you are alone at you home then you can go online and search the people who have similar interest as of you. Little conversation with them will surely make you happy and you will not find missing anybody in your life.
 
You do have something to offer. I fear going into large department stores. Too many people go into them. I have panic attacks. Used to not recognize or know them for what they are. Talk about scary. Your post here lets people like me realize they are not alone.

I agree about trying to reintegrate with coffee meet ups, club meets and such. These usually have smaller, in not controlled groups, of people. And everyone there shares a common idea or interest. I seldom go away from home. Meet lots of other writer types over the internet.

Oddly, met my spouse over the internet. We cyber dated using instant messaging, a chat site, email for about three or four months. Then they decided to call me a boyfriend. :) I figured there was no point in letting go of a good thing. I had never seen a picture of them, asked them to marry regardless. Eight days later they literally said, "okay." (chuckle) They did not say, "yes, I'll marry you", it was simply, "okay." I nearly missed it and had to ask.

"You mean okay, you understand I want to marry you, or okay you will marry me?"

"Yes."

"Yes, you understand or you will?"

"Both."

We have been together, married 11 years, 13 years now. Presently, I'm not employed but they are. I was employed before we moved. Hopefully, I can attend college in the Spring and try getting an associates degree and certification for Linux system administrator. In the meantime, I am trying to get back to writing seriously, helping family here. We live with their parents, brother and sister in law, nephews. There are three households in a roughed in basement with enough improvements to make it liveable, barring the mice, rats, snakes.

We all pitch in here. Do what we can with what we have. *sigh* Going to be one of those days. Need to go. Thanks for sharing.
 
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eric.cornelison said:
I have few friends myself, but I like it that way. But Hannah is correct about using social media networks and instant messages to make contact with new friends. That said. True friends do not want anything from you. Continue trying to reach out to others. One thing I found out about being depressed or lonely. When it begins to rise up in you, go do somethng for someone else. Volunteer at a local charity, like a homeless shelter or food bank. You will be amazed at how quickly that depression goes away.
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I agree with your advice, but I have trouble, when I get severely depressed, even leaving my house. It makes it difficult to go out and meet people or volunteer. I do agree though! Whenever I am able to at least force myself to the point where I can get out of my house, I usually end up feeling better after social interaction.
 
It's important for people to try to keep in mind that they really do have someting to offer. It's the depression that sneaks into your brain and convinces you otherwise. Most depressed people I know think no one cares about them, or that they offer nothing to people. Then when you talk to other people that know them at work or as friends, those people really like them, and would be really sad if they were gone. I know remembering that when you're depressed is easier said than done though!
 
I lost many of my good friends during and after highschool for this same reason. Highschool is when depression and anxiety/panic attacks effected me the most. I remember having a panic attack at school and feeling like everyone was staring at me. I somehow even forgot my locker combination at that time! UGH. Thankfully I out grew my panic attacks but I still really can relate and feel for you. My suggestion is inviting your friends to your home. With things like the wii and Xbox kinect it is easy to find ways to amuse them! Or just have a good old fashion movie or game night! Good luck!
 
I agree with other posters, ChillBill the Internet is most definitely your friend here. Taking part in forums is also a good start, because it always help to interact with other people. I live with my 3 children and sometimes it can be a couple of days before I talk to another adult. Social networking and forums helps me reconnect with adults, when I am too busy working to spend time with friends.
 
In some ways, I think I might suffer from a social anxiety. I don't have panic attacks, but I rarely get out of the house. For the most part, I'm happy being home. However, I also know that it's not incredibly healthy. Getting out and meeting new people is a normal part of life. When I'm feeling depressed it can get a little worse because I also don't have the motivation to even get out of bed at times.
 
Be positive!

You see, we are living in a generation where everything has become instant. And I believe, finding a friend is just a click away. But then, a friend doesn't need to be someone you just met. You can befriend with any member of your family. You can befriend with a pet. About your fear of not gaining a new friend, you need to realize that your fear will hinder you from making a new one. Let go of that fear. Slowly, but surely. And lastly, about your argument that you do not have anything to offer, you can offer your smile. . You can offer your friendship!
 
I think the internet is a good way for you to find a girlfriend and friends. You don't even have to leave your home. I know online dating is taboo, but people usually meet their partners through their social groups. If someone's social life is online it only makes sense to meet your girlfriend there.
 
Heatman

Heatman

Member
It's always going to be very difficult for for you to make real friends who are going to stick with you in your time of depression. It's always difficult and it's why most people don't like associating with those that are depressed.
 
It is not the quantity or number of friends that you make that matters but the ones who are true and real enough with you to support you whenever you need them in your life that should be considered important. I usually make friends from where buy do my workouts everyday and I have just two friends from there.
 
You need to be more focused on yourself when you are depressed and put in every effort for you to be better than for thinking about making friends because most of them will never understand the situation that you are in with your depression problem. All they can do is to add more stress to the one that you are already passing through which wouldn't be better for you.
 
In this day in age, anything can be done online. Forums, for example, are a great way to meet people online without having to worry about face-to-face interactions.

I would also suggest finding a hobby, many cities/towns have groups who share the same hobby and meet occasionally to do said hobby or just to network.


For example, I am a huge PC gamer. Before I had my own gaming PC, I would go to a local PC gaming cafe to play online. Just doing my own thing, I occasionally met some great people who also went to play games, and we bonded doing the same hobby
 
ChillBill said:
I am at a loss here, what do I do? Since 2008 I suffer from depression and suffer from panic attacks. I am unable to leave my house for long periods of time and can only go 2 miles away from home before I start shaking, worrying and getting panic attacks. I have very few friends left, my girlfriend and I broke up for good about 2 weeks ago and and Im not able to go out like normal people to meet anyone so seriously, what do I do?
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You should never beg people to be your friend. We all have something to offer as long as we are alive. It's only dead people that doesn't have anything to offer. If one doesn't see your worth, walk away from him or her.
 
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