hey there. um, crap lol what do I say?
My name's Remi, call me rem. I've never sought help for my depression until recently. there isn't much that helps...and frankly I didn't understand why I was depressed until a year ago. I remember feeling this way since grade one or two, and I'm 23 now.
I'm transgendered, and most or all my depression stems from that. Inferiority complex, occasional suicidal thoughts, always worrying about "passing" as female, and just once, regretting passing "too" well- sexual assault.
my teachers at school thought it was ADD because I was never paying attention. always daydreaming, they said. I still do it now. Just looking in the mirror can trigger it. sometimes i'm totally comfortable with my body and other times I feel like a freak, and that has been happening for as long as I can remember. It's getting better now that I know I can do something about it, but god it's such a slow process, and the hormones I take make the emotions I feel that much more potent.
As far as looks go I guess I don't have it that bad for a trans woman. I'm not overly hairy or tall for starters, and I have a thin frame. I still have trouble passing sometimes though. my therapist (actually she's just an informal guide of sorts. I idolize her though.) keeps reminding me that transitioning is a slow process.
my hugest issue is with my own private parts. I've sworn to myself a couple times that if I don't get approved for bottom surgery I'll just off myself right then. I can't even begin to describe how much it bothers me.
My next biggest one is my face. my friends tell me I have a feminine enough looking face to pass eventually (hormones take time to do their stuff) but I just keep wishing I had a more feminine face.
all this typing and I feel so...melodramatic. or sentimental. something. this is another thing that has stopped me from seeking help. I feel stupid for letting this stuff out. as a kid I tried to force myself to "be a man" and not to cry all the time, keep my problems to myself. I was the quiet scrawny daydreaming geek who read books by themself while everyone else did sports and sh...stuff. was never popular in school, no friends and crappy grades.
That's me in a nutshell. nice to meet you to haha. I'm sorry to be so...melodramatic. Does this post feel melodramatic to you? I feel vulnerable when I talk about this stuff...
My name's Remi, call me rem. I've never sought help for my depression until recently. there isn't much that helps...and frankly I didn't understand why I was depressed until a year ago. I remember feeling this way since grade one or two, and I'm 23 now.
I'm transgendered, and most or all my depression stems from that. Inferiority complex, occasional suicidal thoughts, always worrying about "passing" as female, and just once, regretting passing "too" well- sexual assault.
my teachers at school thought it was ADD because I was never paying attention. always daydreaming, they said. I still do it now. Just looking in the mirror can trigger it. sometimes i'm totally comfortable with my body and other times I feel like a freak, and that has been happening for as long as I can remember. It's getting better now that I know I can do something about it, but god it's such a slow process, and the hormones I take make the emotions I feel that much more potent.
As far as looks go I guess I don't have it that bad for a trans woman. I'm not overly hairy or tall for starters, and I have a thin frame. I still have trouble passing sometimes though. my therapist (actually she's just an informal guide of sorts. I idolize her though.) keeps reminding me that transitioning is a slow process.
my hugest issue is with my own private parts. I've sworn to myself a couple times that if I don't get approved for bottom surgery I'll just off myself right then. I can't even begin to describe how much it bothers me.
My next biggest one is my face. my friends tell me I have a feminine enough looking face to pass eventually (hormones take time to do their stuff) but I just keep wishing I had a more feminine face.
all this typing and I feel so...melodramatic. or sentimental. something. this is another thing that has stopped me from seeking help. I feel stupid for letting this stuff out. as a kid I tried to force myself to "be a man" and not to cry all the time, keep my problems to myself. I was the quiet scrawny daydreaming geek who read books by themself while everyone else did sports and sh...stuff. was never popular in school, no friends and crappy grades.
That's me in a nutshell. nice to meet you to haha. I'm sorry to be so...melodramatic. Does this post feel melodramatic to you? I feel vulnerable when I talk about this stuff...