SarahLizzie
New member
I would like to take this oppurtunity to share my experiences that aided in causing me to continue to fight depression to this very day.
I was involved in an abusive relationship for close to five years. I met this man when I was 20 years old, and I thought he was fun and excited, because he was a "bad boy." At this point in my life I was only beginning to rebel against my mother, I know a little late in life for that!Because my mother hated the man I became more drawn to him, he encouraged me to do the opposite of my mother's advice and began causing some difficulties with me getting to my place of employment at the time. As I started to become away of his possessiveness I began to fear the man, so I started to comply with his wishes; one of which being we move into an apartment together. This was the beginning of a long, horrific nightmare. Once I moved in with him, he began to alienate me from my friends, caused me to lose my job, he would acuse of me cheating, ect, ect, ect... When he got angry or accused me of something I was not doing, such as cheating; he would hit me, push, punch me, squeeze my body to the point that caused me to not be able to breathe. As things began to become more physical, and I was not allowed to leave the apartment unless this man was by my side, the despression and anxiety began to take hold of me. At the time, I did not want to accept that terrifying thoughts were a result of this man, so I had my doctor prescribe me an anti-depressant. The first one I was put on was Zoloft. What a big mistake this way!
Zoloft turned me into a zombie. My days were like walking in a black mist, and I could not recall what had happened 3 seconds earlier. When I began to realize I was going to fail my classes in college because I had no recollection of even attending classes (even though I took multiple pages of notes in class) I asked my doctor to switch medications. At this time, the man I was living with became so involved in his own little world of things I was doing, that he did not understand he was imagining everything he was saying to me! So the doctor switched me to welbrutrin. Which did not help with my depression and suicidal thoughts. After trying that for four weeks, during the transition to Effexor XR, things became even worse at home. At this point in time I was also pregnant with my first child. Due to the fact that my emotions were already a rollercoaster, the man I was living with took advantage of the situaion and began sexually abusing me as well.
I attempted to leave the relationship. I had multiple restraining orders and everything. He continued to harass me and my family. So I continued to call the police and have him arrested for violating the restraining orders. Unfortunately, his family bailed him out of jail each time, so the local police departments told me not to call them again unless there was a gun to my head or a knife to my throat. Out of pure fear, and feeling awful about my family being harassed I moved back in with the man. Purely so my family would no longer be tortured by him either. I decided o go about it alone and pray things would get better.
While taking the Effexor XR my depression eased up slightly, and I was able to better focus at a new job. My boyfriend of the time hated that I decided to start working in kitchens because it forced me to interact with men on a continuous basis. What he did not know, was that the better I got to know the guys I worked with the more I began to trust them, which allowed me to feel comfortable enough to start to talk to them about what was happening to me at home.
By the time my daughter was 1 1/2 years old, she began to act funny. Shortly after she began acting funny, my babysitter began questioning if my boyfriend of the time was touching my daughter inappropriately. I had never seen him do anything, but with her odd reactions I decided it could be plausible. So my best friend helped me move out of the apartment within 24 hours of me mentioning the questions I was asked me and expressing my concerns about the possibility of the questions being true.
Though I was relieved to be away from the continious physical, mental, sexual, and verbal abuse; I was still scared and upset and lonely. It took a week for me to have my electric turned on in the apartment I moved into. Every night my best friend sat with me, let me cry, listened to me talk and discussed everything with me. I told him abuot the Effexor XR I had been on for the longest time, and he recommened I tried coming off of it. After I few months I gave in and stopped taking it cold turkey.
Since then, my best friend who helped me keep the strength to move on from the abuse my child and I were enduring, is now my fiancee. The man who was abusing me every day for five years is now incarcerated, and my fiancee and I had a beautiful daughter togehter. He is also adopting my oldest daughter as his own. I am no longer taking any anti-depressants, but I still suffer from mood swings (and I mean into a depressed, suicidal state) at times, and have horrific nightmares. But for the first time in a long time I am happy with the man I am with, and it feels nice to not have some one who I can acutally talk to about the things I feel and have experienced to help me work through my hard times with out taking medication or being told to "just think positive."
I have left out a lot of details, but I wanted to give you all a rough idea of some of things I have experienced with depression and how domestic abuse can be a contributing factor.
I was involved in an abusive relationship for close to five years. I met this man when I was 20 years old, and I thought he was fun and excited, because he was a "bad boy." At this point in my life I was only beginning to rebel against my mother, I know a little late in life for that!Because my mother hated the man I became more drawn to him, he encouraged me to do the opposite of my mother's advice and began causing some difficulties with me getting to my place of employment at the time. As I started to become away of his possessiveness I began to fear the man, so I started to comply with his wishes; one of which being we move into an apartment together. This was the beginning of a long, horrific nightmare. Once I moved in with him, he began to alienate me from my friends, caused me to lose my job, he would acuse of me cheating, ect, ect, ect... When he got angry or accused me of something I was not doing, such as cheating; he would hit me, push, punch me, squeeze my body to the point that caused me to not be able to breathe. As things began to become more physical, and I was not allowed to leave the apartment unless this man was by my side, the despression and anxiety began to take hold of me. At the time, I did not want to accept that terrifying thoughts were a result of this man, so I had my doctor prescribe me an anti-depressant. The first one I was put on was Zoloft. What a big mistake this way!
Zoloft turned me into a zombie. My days were like walking in a black mist, and I could not recall what had happened 3 seconds earlier. When I began to realize I was going to fail my classes in college because I had no recollection of even attending classes (even though I took multiple pages of notes in class) I asked my doctor to switch medications. At this time, the man I was living with became so involved in his own little world of things I was doing, that he did not understand he was imagining everything he was saying to me! So the doctor switched me to welbrutrin. Which did not help with my depression and suicidal thoughts. After trying that for four weeks, during the transition to Effexor XR, things became even worse at home. At this point in time I was also pregnant with my first child. Due to the fact that my emotions were already a rollercoaster, the man I was living with took advantage of the situaion and began sexually abusing me as well.
I attempted to leave the relationship. I had multiple restraining orders and everything. He continued to harass me and my family. So I continued to call the police and have him arrested for violating the restraining orders. Unfortunately, his family bailed him out of jail each time, so the local police departments told me not to call them again unless there was a gun to my head or a knife to my throat. Out of pure fear, and feeling awful about my family being harassed I moved back in with the man. Purely so my family would no longer be tortured by him either. I decided o go about it alone and pray things would get better.
While taking the Effexor XR my depression eased up slightly, and I was able to better focus at a new job. My boyfriend of the time hated that I decided to start working in kitchens because it forced me to interact with men on a continuous basis. What he did not know, was that the better I got to know the guys I worked with the more I began to trust them, which allowed me to feel comfortable enough to start to talk to them about what was happening to me at home.
By the time my daughter was 1 1/2 years old, she began to act funny. Shortly after she began acting funny, my babysitter began questioning if my boyfriend of the time was touching my daughter inappropriately. I had never seen him do anything, but with her odd reactions I decided it could be plausible. So my best friend helped me move out of the apartment within 24 hours of me mentioning the questions I was asked me and expressing my concerns about the possibility of the questions being true.
Though I was relieved to be away from the continious physical, mental, sexual, and verbal abuse; I was still scared and upset and lonely. It took a week for me to have my electric turned on in the apartment I moved into. Every night my best friend sat with me, let me cry, listened to me talk and discussed everything with me. I told him abuot the Effexor XR I had been on for the longest time, and he recommened I tried coming off of it. After I few months I gave in and stopped taking it cold turkey.
Since then, my best friend who helped me keep the strength to move on from the abuse my child and I were enduring, is now my fiancee. The man who was abusing me every day for five years is now incarcerated, and my fiancee and I had a beautiful daughter togehter. He is also adopting my oldest daughter as his own. I am no longer taking any anti-depressants, but I still suffer from mood swings (and I mean into a depressed, suicidal state) at times, and have horrific nightmares. But for the first time in a long time I am happy with the man I am with, and it feels nice to not have some one who I can acutally talk to about the things I feel and have experienced to help me work through my hard times with out taking medication or being told to "just think positive."
I have left out a lot of details, but I wanted to give you all a rough idea of some of things I have experienced with depression and how domestic abuse can be a contributing factor.
