Feeling worthless

hey,
Lately I have been feeling worthless..from as far as i can remember I have always been shy..hell my parents even tell me that they were worried about me when I started kindergarden because I was so quiet and shy.
Anyway, After hanging out with the same people from kindergarden until grade 6, I was starting to be more open to people and more talkative, and then we moved to another country!! I spent the next three years trying to make new friends and missing the old ones, and since I was a quiet person it was pretty hard making friends. Anyway I took refuge in school, and although I wasn't the "best student" I would always get good grades, taking in account that I barely studied.
So, I survived high school..I missed alot of opportunities in high school that I regret, for example When i was in grade 10 my gym teacher practically asked me every day to join the wrestling team because she thought I had potential, but from some reason I didn't..I wish i had now..
I got accepted into all the universities I applied too and decided to get as far away from home as I could.
Away from parents and everyone I knew, and living on my own, I started opening up to people, started working out regularly to get in shape and did exceptionally well in the first year of university. I somehow survived the second year as well but lost interest in studies all together. And then last year I flunked university and got kicked out of my program! and the life time of depression just kicked in!

Now i feel worthless, never made any true friends, or was at the top of my class, or won a trophy in a sport (I did play soccer in the high school team) or just enjoyed life. The only thing I thought I had going for me was that I thought I would survive university too and get a good job, make some money and travel around the world, even on my own, and just enjoy it on my own, and now thats ruined too...

Now beside being depressed because I failed, I think more about what I am going to tell my parents and how they are going to react...
Any one went through this in their life time? I don't need the typical "it'll get better" advices ...
Thanks
 
Hey,
I have really traditional parents. Although they love me, they will never accept "failure"
my mom deals with it by pissing me off with questions like "What do you mean" "How could you" and "What am i suppose to tell other people now"
my dad on the other hand deals with it by yelling at everyone, me, mom, siblings etc

When i got to university I told them that I needed a break and I can't focus on studies but they pressured me into it saying "IF you take a year off it'll be a waste...think about all the money you can save for that year by finishing university and getting a job"
well now I wasted 3 years :(
 
Brown I understand what you are feeling, as far as feeling like a failure and looking back into one's life and thinking 'Why didn't I do that then???' I could have done so much but I didn't! Not a day goes by that I dont feel like I have lost and Im still wasting my life away, the 'best' years of my life are now spent at home unable to do much. Unlike you though I do have the support of my parents, I am in my 30's and I still rely on my parents to help me out, not so much financially because I do fine with my SS Disability payments and supplemental medical insurance but they love me unconditionally and more then once I have had to call them at weird hours of the day and ask them to come over while having bad panic attacks. My father especially comes to my rescue everytime I have needed help. Like Archeon said, you should talk to your parents and let them know what is going on in your mind and how you are feeling. My advise to you brown, if you are able to do it, DO IT! It is never too late to go to school, never too late to change direction of your life. Maybe you need counseling, maybe you need medication, whatever it is go out and get it and get yourself back in school, university, trade school, whatever and get a degree and everything else will fall into place. Once you are in school you will meet new people, start friendships and in no time you will have your degree and a job and you will be fine.
 
My lifetime is pretty short, i just started college 3 months ago and it has taken me a while to adjust, well im still adjusting. I am doing everything possible to stay for not only my parents who want me to get a college education but for myself cause I want to get a degree and a good job. I can totally understand what you are saying about feeling empty and worthless but it is not the end and there is always help. You are still young and you can still go back to college, what's stopping you? There are plenty of loans and federal aid available. As far as your parents well what can you do? tell them what you have been through and what you are feeling and what your plans are. Hopefully they will understand. Good luck.
 
Hi Brown, I agree with the other posters here it is never too late to go back to school and get a degree or a certificate. This is a new year and whatever happened in the past is the past. Ok, so you didnt do well in school before well that is the past, lets make a plan on how to improve your life, increase your income, make friends and save money to be able to travel and get the nice things you want. What do you like to do, what carreer are you interested in and what are the steps needed to reach your goals? I believe we all have the capacity to improve our lives, nothing happens overnight and noone will make it happen for you so you need to take control of your life now and come up with a plan. Just be patient and positive and know that everything is possible. BTW, where do you live? Depending what kind of job you have you may be able to get assistance in paying for college.
 
You have to fight the way depression affects your life. I am not trying to kick you while you're down, but depression alone did not make you flunk out. Don't let it suck all the happiness out of your life and future, you have to fight back.

No, it won't get better automatically. Things don't happen that way. If that was the case everyone would be happy. You have to want and work for it to get better. Do you want for it to get better? Make a list and work like hell to fix what is making you feel worthless.

Friends are difficult to make in my opinion unless you are extremely pretty, a jock, party goer or rich. I notice the days when I am very made up more people talk to me. I really do wish you all the luck on your battle.
 
I think you have to let go of the things that are all in the past now. I can feel that you have a lot of regrets, and that is adding more to your feeling worthless. There is never any good thing about living life full of regrets.

And each time you are felling worthless, just remember the persons who love you, such as your parents. I am sure they see your worth and that you will always be special to them no matter what happens.

Why don't you try socializing around? Meet new friends or keep yourself busy with a new hobby. That way you can meet new people and forget about those kinds of feelings.

I hope that helps. Good luck and may you feel better soon. :)
 

Heatman

Member
Knowing what's important to your life is one that's capable of pulling you out of any deep holes of depression. You have figured out what are important to you and tie yourself to them. They have the power of giving you a better reason to live.
 
Depression will always make you feel like being alive isn't worth it. You have to do everything in your power to beat and overcome that feeling. If you give into it, it's going to be very difficult to live.
 
This is exactly what the plan will cost for you because once you are passing through that mental challenge you are definitely going to look at yourself that you don't have anything to offer in life which is why most people who are depressed will always think about committing suicide.
 
Back
Top